Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
