i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
