Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
