FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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