Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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