Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
