i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize