Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
