This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
