I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
