I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
