well you can't waste a boner
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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