If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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