I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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