If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
