Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
