I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just google imaged poop.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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