I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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