Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
