Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
