We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
