my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
