She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
