my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
