Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
