...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
