dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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