he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize