my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
