i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
