so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
whose ass print is on the piano?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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