Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
