He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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