i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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