my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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