I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
