So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
