Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
