it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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