i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
