I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
