I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
