apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
