Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
