I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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