my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
