Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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