giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
