you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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