i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
