careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
