i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
