the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize