the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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