In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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