Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
