He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
