there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
