so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
