I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
