The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This is classic penis vs brain.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
